another moral hangover. fuck.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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