I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i've created a new STD.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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