with your own penis?
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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