i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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