we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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