yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
