I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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