now i know why i became what i already was.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I am midnight drunk by noon
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
