I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
