Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
