I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
