Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
