I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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