remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
BRING THE BAGELS
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
