i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
