Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
