what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
