I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize