He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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