somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
