okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
