u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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