There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I believe in your delicious
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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