I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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