just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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