I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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