dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
