I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
