all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
