If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
