Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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