do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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