My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
