Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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