Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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