I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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