I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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