i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
