did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
