Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So much rum. So many feels.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
