Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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