The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
