Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
