I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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