Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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