If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize