kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
