**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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