u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Randomize
