so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
