Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
