Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
