Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
