I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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