Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
