if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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