i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
