how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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