stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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