fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize