i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize