Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
