felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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