drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
